ugh.

i feel terrible right now.  like so miserable i want to cry.  i only got 2 hours of sleep last night -- because -- last thursday night i only got a few hours of sleep and felt so awful friday morning i had to cancel riding.  a few days before that my trainer cancelled because she was sick, so i only got to ride once last week.  so last night i was so obsessed with falling asleep early and getting a lot of sleep that i stressed myself out about it and couldn't fall asleep at all.
i don't know what to do now, i feel terrible cancelling again.  plus, i'm leasing a horse so i have a responsibility now, i need to go so he gets exercise.  but my head feels so hot and heavy and it feels like there's pressure inside of it pressing out.  it wouldn't be so bad, except it takes me an hour to drive to my barn, then i get the horse ready and ride for about an hour, which is an intense workout.  whoever says riding is not really a sport has not really ridden. i often end up out of breath, usually really sweaty, and if i don't go for a little bit, then i get super sore.  when i first started again after my 6 year hiatus, i literally couldn't walk for a week.  so then i have to drive an hour back after that.  plus it's raining.  plus, ya know, i ride thousand pound animals and need to be on top of my game.  and the fact that shane is out of town tweaks me out a little bit, too... because if something does happen to me, i'd need him to come take care of soda.  this is what my mind thinks about.  what should i do? :(