i'm feeling a little better today.  i was having some anxiety last night, which was making me feel even shittier.  i've had issues with anxiety for years - i get some serious panic attacks.  maybe it was good that i was alone though, because all i had was myself to talk me down and i really need to be able to do that.  there's really only a couple people who can do that - i think jamie & shane and that's about it.  it's because they get it.  they understand.  my parents usually just stress me out more because they get impatient with me and yell at me, and that is probably the worst thing you can do to someone having a panic attack.  or they just tell me to take an anti-anxiety pill.  but i don't want to have to rely on medication.
anyway, i'm still sore today, but the advil is helping dull the pain a bit.  i rode today though which felt amazing - i'm so glad that i went.  i feel no pain when i ride -> i am completely concentrated on a hundred other things my body (and the horse's) is doing.  we kept it light today, but it was 80 up in marin and i still got a good workout and was dripping sweat by the end.
on the rest of my agenda today is: pick up my apartment and try to write.  i've been slacking on the writing the past few days, which frustrates the hell out of me.  i'm so easily distracted, plus it takes me awhile to get into a rhythm - so to get anything worthwhile done i really need to sit and work at it for a decent amount of time.
oh, and then shane gets home tonight.  ha- and then right as i write that he texts me his flight got delayed til later tonight.  oh well.  more time to try to get stuff done.  later, cyberspace..