Thursday, June 30, 2011
whose separation anxiety is worse?
for the past 2 months i've been counting down the days to hawaii and have been SO excited. now that it's almost here, while i am obviously still so so stoked, i've been thinking more about how badly i am going to miss soda (i miss her already) and am worried about leaving her. i actually cried last night thinking about it. i hope she does okay. i hope she's happy and has fun playing with other dogs. i hope she eats (sometimes she doesn't if i'm not home). i hope she doesn't think i'm abandoning her. :( i want her to have fun and play all day, then get to her room and eat all her food because she's so hungry from playing, and then fall asleep because she's so tired from playing. she's just so spoiled here; she's like my child. she's used to falling asleep cuddled up in a soft warm bed on a pillow and snuggled in blankets. it just kind of breaks my heart to think that she might be lonely and confused as to why i left her. i hope she doesn't think she did anything wrong. even writing this is making me so sad. the good part is that her room has a webcam so i can spy on her all i want. shane told me to tell her that i'll be watching over her and that will make her more comfortable :) he is such a sweetheart. i'm so lucky to have him and soda in my life. i'm so grateful for both of them and love them both so much. and, despite all this anxiety about soda, i am still SOOOO freaking giddy for hawaii!!! :D:D :D :D :D
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
omg
has anyone ever seen the bbc show "super size vs super skinny"? it's where they take an anorexic person and an obese person and make them eat each others meals for 5 days and weigh in to fix their eating disorders. youtube it.
clothes.
ended up buying that green romper from free people today. it's so cute on and i'm an addict.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Two Things:
1) i love the dos equis commercials with the most interesting man in the world.
2) I REALLY want to go to NYC and see "the book of mormon" on broadway - trey parker & matt stone (creators of south park) wrote it and it won 9 tony awards including best musical and it is supposed to be hilarious. road trip, anyone?
2) I REALLY want to go to NYC and see "the book of mormon" on broadway - trey parker & matt stone (creators of south park) wrote it and it won 9 tony awards including best musical and it is supposed to be hilarious. road trip, anyone?
Confession.
I look at classifieds of horses for sale and adoption almost every day. I can't wait to own a horse again. I have it in writing from my mom that when I finish grad school and get a real job, she'll buy me one. i kind of want to rescue/adopt one... there's so many horses that need homes b/c the recession hurt so many families, plus so many suffering from abuse and neglect, not to mention slaughter auctions. i kind of also want to adopt a mustang. i'm sure everyone at my barn would gawk because there's a ton of super fancy, super expensive show horses there. sigh. one more year...
parents and censorship
my mom said the saddest thing ever to me the other day. she told me she liked my novel except for the sex and drugs parts. the novel is about sex and drugs. it kind of devastated me and made me feel disgusted because for a moment she made me want to censor myself. but then i snapped back into reality: my writing style is incredibly edgy and raw and in your face, i never want to EVER have to fucking censor myself. everyone i respect pushes boundries and tests the limits and says "this is REAL, this is what's happening, and i'm not going to fucking sugar coat it for you!"
the one "story" my parents apparently loved and have asked me about multiple times is a character study that was one scene long about a little mayan girl. there was no plot. no conflict. no fucking story. it was a description. it was all rainbows and butterflies. and apparently that is what they like. and what they like me to write. apparently, if they think that is me, they are also delusional. i have a sick, twisted mind and they just need to accept me for who i am.
they can be so incredibly prude and i don't understand why - it's not like either of them have lead particularly sheltered lives. it's not like they're hardcore religious.
my writing is incredibly dark and twisted and full of trauma. i put my characters in fucked up situations. conflict is what readers what to read about. it's life. every fiction class i've ever taken, we've been encouraged to make the situation more fucked up. to push our limits and comfort zones. to make more conflict happen to our characters. every single SCENE needs something to happen. i forget what author it was, but my advisor was telling us that this author tried an experiment where she intentionally wrote a novel where nothing bad happened to any of the characters, they were all happy the whole time, and it was the most boring novel ever written. that isn't realistic. at all. life happens in real life. and it does in my novel, too. anyone who isn't comfortable with that -- don't read the book.
the one "story" my parents apparently loved and have asked me about multiple times is a character study that was one scene long about a little mayan girl. there was no plot. no conflict. no fucking story. it was a description. it was all rainbows and butterflies. and apparently that is what they like. and what they like me to write. apparently, if they think that is me, they are also delusional. i have a sick, twisted mind and they just need to accept me for who i am.
they can be so incredibly prude and i don't understand why - it's not like either of them have lead particularly sheltered lives. it's not like they're hardcore religious.
my writing is incredibly dark and twisted and full of trauma. i put my characters in fucked up situations. conflict is what readers what to read about. it's life. every fiction class i've ever taken, we've been encouraged to make the situation more fucked up. to push our limits and comfort zones. to make more conflict happen to our characters. every single SCENE needs something to happen. i forget what author it was, but my advisor was telling us that this author tried an experiment where she intentionally wrote a novel where nothing bad happened to any of the characters, they were all happy the whole time, and it was the most boring novel ever written. that isn't realistic. at all. life happens in real life. and it does in my novel, too. anyone who isn't comfortable with that -- don't read the book.
imahugedork
lol just cleared my camera in preparation for hawaii and apparently i had a photoshoot with soda i had forgotten about? lol. i know. i'm the lamest person everrrrr.
why is my dog soooo freaking cute, though!?
why is my dog soooo freaking cute, though!?
boys are oblivious...
shane just asked me what day we were leaving for hawaii. and was then very surprised to find out how soon it is. lol, i've been counting down the days for like the last two months.
**update**
later in the day, i mentioned to him that his birthday is saturday (5 days away), and he was equally surprised to hear that. lol, i guess he's had other things on his mind.
**update**
later in the day, i mentioned to him that his birthday is saturday (5 days away), and he was equally surprised to hear that. lol, i guess he's had other things on his mind.
perfect blue skies
had a good ride today. my trainer's been out of town since friday and will be the rest of the week. friday i rode with my barns dressage trainer, who is awesome. i love riding with her - she's a really good teacher. today i just hacked Ricky around on my own. it was a nice day and the ring was super crowded, so we didn't do a whole lot - just walked, trotted, cantered a bit in each direction for about 35 minutes. tom i'm riding with dressage trainer again, same with thursday. i'm really falling in love with ricky and am so sad that my lease is almost up. i hope i can do it again in august.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
excited
the countdown to paradise is REALLY on now!! :D i am so freaking excited for HOT weather!!! (and to be able to wear cute summer clothes!)
wa wah.
i've been pretending that i don't care that Shane booked time in the studio on our 1 year anniversary, but i'm actually really bummed out about it :(
he said he "won't let it go to waste" and take me to tahoe the weekend before, but him scrambling to make up for it doesn't really mean anything to me. i don't actually need anything for it - i don't need flowers or a nice dinner or anything big at all - i just want to be with him. and want him to have remembered it.
he said he "won't let it go to waste" and take me to tahoe the weekend before, but him scrambling to make up for it doesn't really mean anything to me. i don't actually need anything for it - i don't need flowers or a nice dinner or anything big at all - i just want to be with him. and want him to have remembered it.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
hahaha
Shane (talking in his sleep): "Every product I work on some dude ends up selling on the street out of his shopping cart."
Me: "And how does that make you feel?"
Shane (still sleeping): "Shitty!"
hahahhah
Me: "And how does that make you feel?"
Shane (still sleeping): "Shitty!"
hahahhah
Thursday, June 23, 2011
compliment.
i was walking down Haight street today with Soda and some woman with a nice camera stopped me and asked if she could take our picture while we crossed the street. i said sure and asked what it was for and she just said it would be a cool shot "with my hair and my dog and my style." kinda made my day :)
aawwwkward.
awkwardfamilyphotos.com still cracks me up.
these are my favorite personal awkward family (or roommate) photos:
the first one is from when all of us lived together... we tried to get a house picture and this was the result, lol:
this second one is of my grandma and her sister wrestling, haha
these are my favorite personal awkward family (or roommate) photos:
the first one is from when all of us lived together... we tried to get a house picture and this was the result, lol:
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
time is slipping away
had a really good night with shane last night... it was exactly what i needed :)
i can't wait for hawaii... i have a feeling that is also going to be exactly what i need :D
shane & i were looking at our calendars this morning and i came to a sad realization - summer is already 1/3 over with. i wanted to have way more written by this point. kind of stressing about my thesis now... especially since i'll be super busy for practically all of july. i've been slacking a bit and i really need to step it up. i'm way behind on my goals for my novel & disappointed in myself for being so :( i guess for a lot of the past month i've been feeling not so well, though, so maybe it's not entirely my fault? still, i feel terrible about it.
shane & i also realized that if we want to go up and spend time at his parents cabin in tahoe, there's only about 4 weekends that we'll both be available to do so. we realized that he is going to be back in the recording studio on our one year anniversary :( which is so lame. but whatever - hopefully it's just the first of many.
suddenly though i feel rushed - rushed to get stuff done, to make plans, to not waste a second of any day. i'm gonna start setting my alarm and waking up early every day. my body is slowly adjusting to falling asleep later and waking up later... which makes the 3 days a week that i have to get up early to ride tough. plus, i like getting up early because i can get more accomplished in a day.
it's been gorgeous out here the past few days - in the 80s, which is almost practically unheard of for san francisco. it's been so nice to be able to wear a dress or shorts & sandals and not be freezing. i can't wait to experience a few weeks of summer weather. i'm glad i'm doing hawaii & chicago back to back. i'm craving some chicago summer - plus i can't wait to see everyone. it'll be good timing, too, because shanes dad is getting surgery so he'll be spending a lot of time with him... and he needs to record his vocal tracks in his garage.
i've also been dealing with Soda's incessant itching. she has allergies & gets what are called hotspots - basically she scratches & chews so hard and so much that she makes herself bleed and gets quarter sized bloody spots that scab. she gets these every few weeks & each time they last for a few weeks. i feel so bad for her. plus, she's keeping us both up at night. the vet gave me a prescription spray that is an antibiotic, plus it helps with the itching + i give her children's benadryl before bed, but that only seems to help for a few hours. i've really been trying to beat them this time though, because i want all of these sores to be healed up by the time i have to go out of town. i got her an inflatable "collar of shame" yesterday, but that doesn't completely prevent her from chewing on herself. the vets keep telling me i should get her allergy testing. it's expensive, but at least i'd know what she's allergic to, and could maybe prevent exposure to it that way. i mean, she's 2 1/2 only... she has a long life ahead of her and i want her to have the best possible quality of life. she means the world to me, i love her with all my heart, and i hate to have to drug her up for weeks at a time. it sort of breaks my heart. seeing her unhappy at all breaks my heart. she really is my baby. she relies on me for everything & her happiness is entirely up to me. that is a crazy thought. to be honest, as much as i don't want to do it, i'm thinking about cutting her fur short. at least while we're living in the city still. it just mops up all the grossness from the city sidewalks & it's like velcro - everything sticks to her. plus, it's hard to find the spots, i have to dig through all that fluff. i don't plan on living in the city too much longer... and when i move eventually, then maybe i can grow it super long like i want to. i love the long fur, moppish, cottonball look that cotons are known for. i think it's the cutest thing in the world. i'm just thinking that right now it might not be the best thing for my dogs health/hygiene? i don't know, it's just something that i'm going to think about.
haha, here's soda & her collar of shame. lol, she looks grumpy :) :
i can't wait for hawaii... i have a feeling that is also going to be exactly what i need :D
shane & i were looking at our calendars this morning and i came to a sad realization - summer is already 1/3 over with. i wanted to have way more written by this point. kind of stressing about my thesis now... especially since i'll be super busy for practically all of july. i've been slacking a bit and i really need to step it up. i'm way behind on my goals for my novel & disappointed in myself for being so :( i guess for a lot of the past month i've been feeling not so well, though, so maybe it's not entirely my fault? still, i feel terrible about it.
shane & i also realized that if we want to go up and spend time at his parents cabin in tahoe, there's only about 4 weekends that we'll both be available to do so. we realized that he is going to be back in the recording studio on our one year anniversary :( which is so lame. but whatever - hopefully it's just the first of many.
suddenly though i feel rushed - rushed to get stuff done, to make plans, to not waste a second of any day. i'm gonna start setting my alarm and waking up early every day. my body is slowly adjusting to falling asleep later and waking up later... which makes the 3 days a week that i have to get up early to ride tough. plus, i like getting up early because i can get more accomplished in a day.
it's been gorgeous out here the past few days - in the 80s, which is almost practically unheard of for san francisco. it's been so nice to be able to wear a dress or shorts & sandals and not be freezing. i can't wait to experience a few weeks of summer weather. i'm glad i'm doing hawaii & chicago back to back. i'm craving some chicago summer - plus i can't wait to see everyone. it'll be good timing, too, because shanes dad is getting surgery so he'll be spending a lot of time with him... and he needs to record his vocal tracks in his garage.
i've also been dealing with Soda's incessant itching. she has allergies & gets what are called hotspots - basically she scratches & chews so hard and so much that she makes herself bleed and gets quarter sized bloody spots that scab. she gets these every few weeks & each time they last for a few weeks. i feel so bad for her. plus, she's keeping us both up at night. the vet gave me a prescription spray that is an antibiotic, plus it helps with the itching + i give her children's benadryl before bed, but that only seems to help for a few hours. i've really been trying to beat them this time though, because i want all of these sores to be healed up by the time i have to go out of town. i got her an inflatable "collar of shame" yesterday, but that doesn't completely prevent her from chewing on herself. the vets keep telling me i should get her allergy testing. it's expensive, but at least i'd know what she's allergic to, and could maybe prevent exposure to it that way. i mean, she's 2 1/2 only... she has a long life ahead of her and i want her to have the best possible quality of life. she means the world to me, i love her with all my heart, and i hate to have to drug her up for weeks at a time. it sort of breaks my heart. seeing her unhappy at all breaks my heart. she really is my baby. she relies on me for everything & her happiness is entirely up to me. that is a crazy thought. to be honest, as much as i don't want to do it, i'm thinking about cutting her fur short. at least while we're living in the city still. it just mops up all the grossness from the city sidewalks & it's like velcro - everything sticks to her. plus, it's hard to find the spots, i have to dig through all that fluff. i don't plan on living in the city too much longer... and when i move eventually, then maybe i can grow it super long like i want to. i love the long fur, moppish, cottonball look that cotons are known for. i think it's the cutest thing in the world. i'm just thinking that right now it might not be the best thing for my dogs health/hygiene? i don't know, it's just something that i'm going to think about.
haha, here's soda & her collar of shame. lol, she looks grumpy :) :
Monday, June 20, 2011
free people
damn. every time i tell myself "That's it, no more shopping for awhile," free people has to go and make something freaking adorable that i "have" to have! lol. right now it's this cute little number (in my favorite color, too...sigh):
http://www.freepeople.com/whats-new/real-love-dress/
http://www.freepeople.com/whats-new/real-love-dress/
happiness&love.
another gorgeous day out!! :D almost 80 degrees again. my mood is seriously determined in large part by the weather. so glad i got out of chicago... cold, grey, miserable winters did not sit well with me. either did being cooped up indoors for 7 months out of the year. i need to be active and be outside in the sunshine to really thrive and be happy.
anyway, i'm just feeling good again today. i slept well again last night and have energy and am actually sorta hyper. and i'm just happy. feeling grateful for everything in my life - my sweet puppy, awesome parents, great friends, amazing boyfriend. and so thankful for this amazing experience called life! and for this beautiful planet. the countdown to hawaii is getting for real real now.
*Life is good!*
anyway, i'm just feeling good again today. i slept well again last night and have energy and am actually sorta hyper. and i'm just happy. feeling grateful for everything in my life - my sweet puppy, awesome parents, great friends, amazing boyfriend. and so thankful for this amazing experience called life! and for this beautiful planet. the countdown to hawaii is getting for real real now.
*Life is good!*
Sunday, June 19, 2011
beautiful day out!
it's in the high 70s today! SO beautiful out! i wore a sleeveless top at 9am!
this is the first day in about a week and a half that i woke up feeling good and actually feel like myself. first the biopsy/stress/healing, then the fever, then the lack of sleep. i finally slept great last night and have energy and am giddy and happy. woke up early today to go get breakfast with shane & his family for fathers day, then shane took us to hyde street studio where he's recording. it's a really famous old studio where bands like grateful dead and alman brothers recorded their albums. super cool spot; so much history. i'm loving life today. warm summer weather always makes me feel great :D 12 days til hawaii!! :D:D:D :D :D
this is the first day in about a week and a half that i woke up feeling good and actually feel like myself. first the biopsy/stress/healing, then the fever, then the lack of sleep. i finally slept great last night and have energy and am giddy and happy. woke up early today to go get breakfast with shane & his family for fathers day, then shane took us to hyde street studio where he's recording. it's a really famous old studio where bands like grateful dead and alman brothers recorded their albums. super cool spot; so much history. i'm loving life today. warm summer weather always makes me feel great :D 12 days til hawaii!! :D:D:D :D :D
Saturday, June 18, 2011
biggest. overpacker.ever.
lol right now i have packed for hawaii: 5 pairs of sandals, 2 skirts, 4 pairs of shorts, 1 pair of jeans, 7 long sleeve tops/sweaters, 2 vests, 6 dresses, 2 bathing suit covers, 2 swimsuits, 10 tank tops, 5 crop top/bandeaus, 2 pairs of leggings, 2 pairs of booty shorts, pjs, a hat, and 9 tops. ...lol and all of this is for 9 days. except 2 of those days are travel days. so really 7 days. i just took everything back out of my suitcase. i'm thinking that maybe i should just put together outfits instead? my problem is that i never get to wear any of my cute, fun summer stuff, so as soon as i have the chance, i want to wear it all at once, lol. haha, okay, time to get control over myself. i still need to fit makeup, jewelry, & toiletries in here and there is no way that is going to happen with the present amount of clothing. plus bras, socks, underwear. def need to downsize. i guess i also kind of wish i knew what we were doing each day so i know how much walking around town stuff to pack, how much beach stuff to pack, how much hiking stuff to pack, how much going out to a nice dinner stuff to pack, how much going on excursion stuff to pack. right now, if i did each of those activities every single day, i think i'd be golden lol. wish me luck...!
***UPDATE***
okay i think i did good. picked out outfits & took pics of them on my phone. i chiseled it down to: 2 swimsuits, 1 coverup, 2 leggings, 5 sandals (still :/), 3 pairs of shorts, 1 bandeau, 8 tanks (although some i wear under other things), 5 tops (including a reg teeshirt), 1 skirt, 6 dresses, 1 hat, 6 long sleeve tops/sweaters/hoodies, 1 pair of jeans. much better! proud of myself! :D
***UPDATE***
okay i think i did good. picked out outfits & took pics of them on my phone. i chiseled it down to: 2 swimsuits, 1 coverup, 2 leggings, 5 sandals (still :/), 3 pairs of shorts, 1 bandeau, 8 tanks (although some i wear under other things), 5 tops (including a reg teeshirt), 1 skirt, 6 dresses, 1 hat, 6 long sleeve tops/sweaters/hoodies, 1 pair of jeans. much better! proud of myself! :D
Friday, June 17, 2011
another beautiful day outside
days like this are what i dreamed about when i dreamed about living in cali <3
on a funny note, i tried to go tanning yesterday so i get some sort of color before the trip so i don't burn up. there's only like 4 tanning salons in this whole city and the closest one to me is in the castro, which is the boystown of SF. i walked the 20 minutes there and when i got to the salon the receptionist told me the earliest available time he had open was at 8pm (it was 5ish). apparently you need to call and schedule appointments ahead of time to go tanning?! he told me that they're busy right now, too, because Pride is coming up and a lot of people are tanning for that. i have no words. i love how ridic this city can be, it makes me smile.
on a funny note, i tried to go tanning yesterday so i get some sort of color before the trip so i don't burn up. there's only like 4 tanning salons in this whole city and the closest one to me is in the castro, which is the boystown of SF. i walked the 20 minutes there and when i got to the salon the receptionist told me the earliest available time he had open was at 8pm (it was 5ish). apparently you need to call and schedule appointments ahead of time to go tanning?! he told me that they're busy right now, too, because Pride is coming up and a lot of people are tanning for that. i have no words. i love how ridic this city can be, it makes me smile.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
love songs
all i have to do is listen to the song shane wrote me and a smile instantly appears on my face <3
insomnia.
did not sleep at all last night. literally. not. at. all.
i don't know what's up with my body lately. recovering from biopsy all week, fever for 2 days, insomnia.
i'm supposed to go riding today. debating on whether or not i should cancel. i've been canceling a bit too much lately. i hate flaking out on things last minute. ugh. what to do, what to do..
i don't know what's up with my body lately. recovering from biopsy all week, fever for 2 days, insomnia.
i'm supposed to go riding today. debating on whether or not i should cancel. i've been canceling a bit too much lately. i hate flaking out on things last minute. ugh. what to do, what to do..
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
admiration.
http://legz.tumblr.com
i can be vain. i think tall, thin, willowy is beautiful. the heroin-chic, emaciated, model body. don't judge me.
i can be vain. i think tall, thin, willowy is beautiful. the heroin-chic, emaciated, model body. don't judge me.
healthy :D
omg. doctor just called and said the biopsy came back normal & the original test must have been a false positive. so happy and so relieved and so grateful. i feel like that dark cloud that has been looming over me for the past 8 days is finally gone. i really havn't been myself and i am GLAD that is over with! :DDDDDD
i'm also so grateful for shane. he was so supportive this whole week and i am such a lucky girl. <3
i'm also so grateful for shane. he was so supportive this whole week and i am such a lucky girl. <3
celebrity lookalike
+
=
?
separation anxiety.
i am sooo freaking excited to go to hawaii (i have my "to bring" list made AND my "to get done before hawaii" list made!), but i am seriously having some anxiety about leaving my puppy for nine days :( she's so used to be cuddled, and waking up in a warm bed with shane & i gushing over her, and just being around me... she gets pretty bad separation anxiety as it is, and i'm so nervous that she won't eat or something. thank god i'll be able to watch her 24 hours a day via webcam. i just hope she doesn't think i abandoned her because that would be the saddest thing ever... :(
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
In full "trying to beat cold's ass" mode... :(
things i do to combat a cold:
-drink lots of tea
-eat raw garlic (it has natural antibiotic properties & boots the immune system - i have a great salad dressing recipe w/ raw garlic... or i make pasta w/ garlic & butter)
-drink orange juice
-take Emergen-C
-try to eat healthy (which is sometimes tough when i don't have the energy to go get groceries & then cook... but i at least try to eat a lot to give my body some energy to fight off the cold with... it's the whole "feed a cold, starve a fever" thing...)
-rest
-keep warm
-sleep a lot
-neti pot
-gargle warm salt water
hopefully i feel normal tomorrow. and hopefully i get results from the doctor tomorrow.
-drink lots of tea
-eat raw garlic (it has natural antibiotic properties & boots the immune system - i have a great salad dressing recipe w/ raw garlic... or i make pasta w/ garlic & butter)
-drink orange juice
-take Emergen-C
-try to eat healthy (which is sometimes tough when i don't have the energy to go get groceries & then cook... but i at least try to eat a lot to give my body some energy to fight off the cold with... it's the whole "feed a cold, starve a fever" thing...)
-rest
-keep warm
-sleep a lot
-neti pot
-gargle warm salt water
hopefully i feel normal tomorrow. and hopefully i get results from the doctor tomorrow.
Wild horses keep dragging me away...
riding made me more sore. but i don't care. it also makes me more happy <3
on another health related note.. i had a very slight fever last night (99.0) and today it's 99.3. i dunno what's up with my body lately. regarding the biopsy, the doctor told me i should be concerned if i have a fever of 101 or higher. i think i'm gonna not take advil and see if it climbs any higher... ido have a sore throat though, so maybe i'm just coming down with something? i'm sure my immune system is kinda weak right now :/
it can't be that terrible of a day, though, because it's gorgeous outside - in the 70's! - and i woke up to the sweetest email ever from my boy =)
on another health related note.. i had a very slight fever last night (99.0) and today it's 99.3. i dunno what's up with my body lately. regarding the biopsy, the doctor told me i should be concerned if i have a fever of 101 or higher. i think i'm gonna not take advil and see if it climbs any higher... ido have a sore throat though, so maybe i'm just coming down with something? i'm sure my immune system is kinda weak right now :/
it can't be that terrible of a day, though, because it's gorgeous outside - in the 70's! - and i woke up to the sweetest email ever from my boy =)
Monday, June 13, 2011
refreshing.
finally feeling better today! i can still feel some pain, but there is such a huge difference between how i was feeling yesterday & today. went riding today - it felt good! although my trainer did tell me that i seemed weak. which i totally believe since i spent the past 4 days laying on my back. i just feel bad for soda, she hasn't gotten any exercise since basically wednesday. i owe her a good walk soon. maybe tomorrow. i'm gonna try to take her to the park today so she can at least run around. it's nice out today and it's supposed to be even nicer tomorrow - i think 70 degrees. yay. i miss warm summer weather. between hawaii and chicago though hopefully i'll get my fix (and get to wear cute summer stuff!). is 2 1/2 weeks too soon to start packing??
Sunday, June 12, 2011
dream.
i had a dream last night that i knew i was going to die in a few days. i was okay with it, though. i was writing my last will & testament (all my friends got to pick through my clothes/jewelry/shoes; shane got my cds & dvds), and the one thing that i was really stressed over was who would get soda - my parents or shane. i was really trying to figure out who she would have the best life with, and i knew that no matter which party i gave her to, the other would miss her terribly. i woke up really sad. but shane and i slept over 12 hours last night and from about 9am to 1pm he had his arms wrapped around me, so it was okay...
style. and age.
my style is very "hippie-chic." i like funky, edgy, fun, girly, flirty, badass things, haha. i love bright, happy colors like pinks, purples, yellows, & turquoises. i practically live in tights & boots. plain, solid colored things bore me. my brand is truly free people...i think around 90% of my closet is made up of free people items. it's nice (and easy) to have a brand that truly speaks to me - and fits me well. they're planning to open one in SF next year, which means trouble! haha. it's funny, because my boyfriends style is pretty much the opposite of mine. we were at the mall yesterday to get him some nice shirts & shoes for work (and i REALLY needed to get out of my apt - i've been laying around and "taking it easy" since the biopsy and was starting to get stir crazy... and yes, i'm still in pain..) and he pointed out a dress that he thought was nice. he followed that comment up with "but it's probably not funky enough for you." he was basically right, it was really plain. i'm sure i could make it work with the right shoes and jewelry, but it was something i would never gravitate towards on my own. i was busy eyeing a cute purple dress ahead of me, when shane continued with "you probably like that one," and pointed at the exact one that i was looking at. lol, at least he knows me by now. he said "my style is simple and sleek." which that dress he liked absolutely was.
it made me think. i know eventually i'll adapt my wardrobe to a more sleek, classy style (not to say that i don't have classy pieces in it now, but that is definitely not how i dress on a daily basis... and i'm not saying i dress the opposite (trashy)... i'd say more fun & flirty), but right now, i love the way i dress. i love my clothes. i feel good in them. confident. even the pieces that shane has flat out told me he doesn't like. and honestly, when he makes fun of certain things of mine, it just makes me want to wear them more lol. i'm very anti changing for anyone else. i love the person that i am. he loves me, so he needs to accept me for who i am. one of my favorite quotes is from rent - it goes: "take me for what i am, who i was meant to be, and if you give a damn, take me baby, or leave me." i'm 25, i'm still in school, i don't feel like i'm in the adult world yet. i know the rest of my life i'm going to have to dress that certain way. and, like i said in one of my earlier posts, i'm making up for lost years. i'm sure that slowly, bit by bit, my wardrobe will move more towards the business casual, more conservative side. i know i'm going to have to grow up eventually. so give me a few years, shane.speaking of which, something happened this past week (that only 3 of my closest friends know about) that made me feel old. it was a really weird & disturbing feeling. i've always felt young. excluding the times that i'm around my closest friends, i'm usually the youngest in the room. i go to grad school where a lot of my classmates are older. my last boyfriend was 5 years older, shane is 4 years older. it's always obvious to me that i'm the young one. it's always slightly evident in their friends/colleagues demeanor towards me (though not in a rude way, just in a way that makes me very aware that i am younger than them). shane has made comments several times about something being from his generation and not mine. but this thing that happened this past week - it made me feel like one of the women on sex and the city when they're talking about the younger girls and how men always like them. it made me feel like the old hag. it was a scary moment. sort of a rude awakening - like this is what's to come. it was weird, because shane & i also had a sort of joking conversation yesterday about 18 year old girls and he said something like "all guys are the same" regarding younger girls. maybe it's just the theme of the week? regardless, i hope i don't feel that way ever again...
and here's that song from rent - SO good!!!
Friday, June 10, 2011
sore.
okay, i definitely pushed it yesterday. i admit it. i shouldn't have gone riding. i shouldn't have picked up my apt (bending really hurts). i was really feeling it last night - really hurting. and i am again today. i know i did it to myself. i'm trying to rest and take it easy today but i am super restless.
on a super happy note, though, hawaii is 3 weeks away exactly!! :D i'm so stoked! i bought 3 new bathing suits... i needed new ones so bad, i've had all of my other ones for years (one for literally ten years), and they were all ratty and falling apart and stretched out weird. here's the 3 i bought:
on a super happy note, though, hawaii is 3 weeks away exactly!! :D i'm so stoked! i bought 3 new bathing suits... i needed new ones so bad, i've had all of my other ones for years (one for literally ten years), and they were all ratty and falling apart and stretched out weird. here's the 3 i bought:
i'll probly just take the first & third to hawaii. i need to get a tan before i go so i don't burn up, too.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
i'm feeling a little better today. i was having some anxiety last night, which was making me feel even shittier. i've had issues with anxiety for years - i get some serious panic attacks. maybe it was good that i was alone though, because all i had was myself to talk me down and i really need to be able to do that. there's really only a couple people who can do that - i think jamie & shane and that's about it. it's because they get it. they understand. my parents usually just stress me out more because they get impatient with me and yell at me, and that is probably the worst thing you can do to someone having a panic attack. or they just tell me to take an anti-anxiety pill. but i don't want to have to rely on medication.
anyway, i'm still sore today, but the advil is helping dull the pain a bit. i rode today though which felt amazing - i'm so glad that i went. i feel no pain when i ride -> i am completely concentrated on a hundred other things my body (and the horse's) is doing. we kept it light today, but it was 80 up in marin and i still got a good workout and was dripping sweat by the end.
on the rest of my agenda today is: pick up my apartment and try to write. i've been slacking on the writing the past few days, which frustrates the hell out of me. i'm so easily distracted, plus it takes me awhile to get into a rhythm - so to get anything worthwhile done i really need to sit and work at it for a decent amount of time.
oh, and then shane gets home tonight. ha- and then right as i write that he texts me his flight got delayed til later tonight. oh well. more time to try to get stuff done. later, cyberspace..
anyway, i'm still sore today, but the advil is helping dull the pain a bit. i rode today though which felt amazing - i'm so glad that i went. i feel no pain when i ride -> i am completely concentrated on a hundred other things my body (and the horse's) is doing. we kept it light today, but it was 80 up in marin and i still got a good workout and was dripping sweat by the end.
on the rest of my agenda today is: pick up my apartment and try to write. i've been slacking on the writing the past few days, which frustrates the hell out of me. i'm so easily distracted, plus it takes me awhile to get into a rhythm - so to get anything worthwhile done i really need to sit and work at it for a decent amount of time.
oh, and then shane gets home tonight. ha- and then right as i write that he texts me his flight got delayed til later tonight. oh well. more time to try to get stuff done. later, cyberspace..
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
June 8th
I think June 8th is my cursed day. Last year on this day, I felt like my whole world was falling apart. I spent somewhere around 6-8 hours sitting in a dark hospital room with my mom - one of eight days straight that she was in there. My boyfriend of a few years was at my parents house with my dad, helping him eat because he had a feeding tube at the time and at that point couldn't feed himself with it alone. When I got home from the hospital, Luke & I drove to Whole Foods to pick up a six pack of my favorite beer (Gumballhead!), where he broke up with me in the parking lot.
This year, there were some more hard days revolving around health. My mom had a meeting with a doctor that didn't live up to her expectations about a new chemo drug that just came out. I had to get an unexpected biopsy and sobbed through the whole doctors appointment and made a nurse come and hold my hand during it because I didn't want to be alone. My boyfriend happened to be out of town this week at E3, which is basically one of his busiest weeks at work, so the timing was pretty crappy. I've spent the last day and a half scared and crying and shaking, stomach in knots. I think anticipation is the worst. Although I feel pretty shitty now - I have some severe cramps. But at least now we have somewhat more of an idea of what is going on concerning this drug my mom's been waiting for for six years, and we'll know more next week. At least my appointment is over with and all I have to do now is wait for results. And to be honest, I'm not even really that worried anymore... I think I was just more scared about the biopsy. I'm a huge wuss when it comes to doctors/medical stuff. Lol, and I was scared that if something was really wrong then Shane would leave me... which he assured me would never happen.
On the up side though, my dog is being adorable. I think she knows something is wrong because she's been extra cuddly the past 2 days. And I gave her a bath yesterday so she is super soft right now =) Also on the up side - where my dad had a feeding tube and couldn't even use it himself at this point last year, he is now eating all sorts of things, which is so fucking amazing and makes me so happy I could scream with joy.
All in all, I have to remember that this is all a learning experience. I was put here on this planet to learn and grow and experience life in this way. I am a spiritual being having a human experience. And one of my favorite quotes that my friend Bria told me around this time last year has really stuck with me: "Life is like the mountains: without the peaks and valleys, you would never know how beautiful they are."
This year, there were some more hard days revolving around health. My mom had a meeting with a doctor that didn't live up to her expectations about a new chemo drug that just came out. I had to get an unexpected biopsy and sobbed through the whole doctors appointment and made a nurse come and hold my hand during it because I didn't want to be alone. My boyfriend happened to be out of town this week at E3, which is basically one of his busiest weeks at work, so the timing was pretty crappy. I've spent the last day and a half scared and crying and shaking, stomach in knots. I think anticipation is the worst. Although I feel pretty shitty now - I have some severe cramps. But at least now we have somewhat more of an idea of what is going on concerning this drug my mom's been waiting for for six years, and we'll know more next week. At least my appointment is over with and all I have to do now is wait for results. And to be honest, I'm not even really that worried anymore... I think I was just more scared about the biopsy. I'm a huge wuss when it comes to doctors/medical stuff. Lol, and I was scared that if something was really wrong then Shane would leave me... which he assured me would never happen.
On the up side though, my dog is being adorable. I think she knows something is wrong because she's been extra cuddly the past 2 days. And I gave her a bath yesterday so she is super soft right now =) Also on the up side - where my dad had a feeding tube and couldn't even use it himself at this point last year, he is now eating all sorts of things, which is so fucking amazing and makes me so happy I could scream with joy.
All in all, I have to remember that this is all a learning experience. I was put here on this planet to learn and grow and experience life in this way. I am a spiritual being having a human experience. And one of my favorite quotes that my friend Bria told me around this time last year has really stuck with me: "Life is like the mountains: without the peaks and valleys, you would never know how beautiful they are."
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
attention.
i just walked my dog around the block - literally did one loop around the block - and 3 guys stopped me to hit on me/make cat calls. first of all, i don't even understand it, because it's not like i'm trying to look cute right now: i have no makeup on, hair pulled back in a tight bun, wearing jeans, sneakers, & a baggy shirt that i plan on sleeping in tonight lol (although i guess they couldn't see that because i had a jacket on over it). 2 white guys and a black guy. the black guy said "oooh girl you so beautiful. you way cuter than your dog," to which i almost took offense to and told him "really? because i think my dog is pretty damn cute." and all his friends laughed.
i don't get it though. do some girls actually like this kind of attention? because i hate it. i wish everyone would just leave me alone lol. no, i don't want you hitting on me while i'm walking my dog around the block. no, i don't want you hitting on me when i'm in a bar trying to grab a drink and catch up with friends. no, you yelling out your car window does not turn me on; it makes me laugh at you. and no, you giving me your number or asking for mine does not impress me - it only shows me that all you care about is the way i look, because you know nothing about me.
i can see how it's flattering, but honestly, sometimes (especially when it happens at night) it makes me nervous because it makes me feel vulnerable and like a target. the things that run through my head are not "i want to have sex with him," it's more along the lines of "do i have my pepper spray?" or "i hope this guy doesn't try to rape me." or "how quick can i pick up soda and start running?" when it's in a safer situation, like in daylight or in a bar or something, usually when guys gawk at me i either laugh in their face, look them up and down and make the most disgusted expression i can muster, or just flat out ask them "what are you staring at?" shane got mad at me once for doing the latter though when i was with him and makes fun of me for it now. we were at a bar and i think we had only been dating a few weeks and these dudes a couple tables over would not stop staring so finally i was like "what?! what?!" and shane immediately told me to stop it because he thought they might try to fight him lol. i didn't know that people did that.
i don't know. the only guy i love to dress up for and love that kind of attention from is my boyfriend. maybe some girls like attention like that, but i definitely do not. so please leave me alone people.
i don't get it though. do some girls actually like this kind of attention? because i hate it. i wish everyone would just leave me alone lol. no, i don't want you hitting on me while i'm walking my dog around the block. no, i don't want you hitting on me when i'm in a bar trying to grab a drink and catch up with friends. no, you yelling out your car window does not turn me on; it makes me laugh at you. and no, you giving me your number or asking for mine does not impress me - it only shows me that all you care about is the way i look, because you know nothing about me.
i can see how it's flattering, but honestly, sometimes (especially when it happens at night) it makes me nervous because it makes me feel vulnerable and like a target. the things that run through my head are not "i want to have sex with him," it's more along the lines of "do i have my pepper spray?" or "i hope this guy doesn't try to rape me." or "how quick can i pick up soda and start running?" when it's in a safer situation, like in daylight or in a bar or something, usually when guys gawk at me i either laugh in their face, look them up and down and make the most disgusted expression i can muster, or just flat out ask them "what are you staring at?" shane got mad at me once for doing the latter though when i was with him and makes fun of me for it now. we were at a bar and i think we had only been dating a few weeks and these dudes a couple tables over would not stop staring so finally i was like "what?! what?!" and shane immediately told me to stop it because he thought they might try to fight him lol. i didn't know that people did that.
i don't know. the only guy i love to dress up for and love that kind of attention from is my boyfriend. maybe some girls like attention like that, but i definitely do not. so please leave me alone people.
chicaaaaaaaago
so i just made flight reservations for me and little pop to go home to chicago in july. we're gonna be there for 7 full days (9 days including the travel days). i'm excited - i miss hot summer weather and my family and (even though i just saw a few of them) my friends. i just sent out text messages to those i care to see that i'll be in town and i'm already starting to get that rushed feeling that i always get when i'm home visiting. it's never enough time to see everyone that i want to see. it's never enough time with each person that i do see. there's definitely ways to knock out a few birds with one stone - get a group to go to dinner or the beach or out for drinks - but not all of my friends are part of the same crew. not that they wouldn't get along for a night, but it's not the same... people don't act totally themselves around people they're not close too/comfortable with (although the nights that it does happen - like my going away party - are a total blast!). i have friends from jr. high, friends from HS, friends from college, friends that i know randomly - and all of whom i want to spend time with. i know everyone understands that it's hard to spend a lot of time with each person, but still. i'm terrible at keeping in touch sometimes - i hate talking on the phone. text message & facebook & email is about it. so these moments that i actually get to spend with them mean a lot to me. the great part is that when i'm with the people i care about it's like i just saw them yesterday - we immediately slide into a comfortable place and pick up where we left off.
and then on top of that i want to spend a lot of time with my parents, and if possible, see some extended family like my grandma. plus my mom will be on chemo when i'm there so she'll probably want me to be around and do stuff for her. and i'll want to do some fun things with my dad to relieve him of some of the stress/work.
i do plan on going back in august with shane, although he'll probably only be able to stay for a weekend, which means only one full day, which is hardly worth it. i really want him to experience chicago in the summertime because it's a total blast.
oh, and then before all of this happens - i'm going to hawaii with shane and his family (and some of their friends) for 9 days. we're going in 3 weeks and 3 days (yes, i'm counting down). i am so freaking excited for it!! it's been almost 3 years since i've been on a real vacation and i'm super stoked. i seriously know everything that i'm bringing with. i made a "to bring" list this morning. i'm a total list maker. and, since we're going for shane's 30th birthday, i booked massages for him & i on his actual bday a few days ago. haha can you tell i'm excited?! it's taking all of my willpower not to just pack right now.
so...what else. oh, so i guess i forgot to include that the main way i keep in touch with family and friends is through ichatting. duh. i love it because i can actually see their faces so it's like we're in the same room. i ichat with my parents a couple times a week. this morning when we did, Soda & their dog KC had a serious conversation. they were barking/whining at each other for a good ten minutes. it was so cute. here's some screenshots from their chat sesh: (and don't mind me - i had just woken up and was still drinking coffee lol)
and then on top of that i want to spend a lot of time with my parents, and if possible, see some extended family like my grandma. plus my mom will be on chemo when i'm there so she'll probably want me to be around and do stuff for her. and i'll want to do some fun things with my dad to relieve him of some of the stress/work.
i do plan on going back in august with shane, although he'll probably only be able to stay for a weekend, which means only one full day, which is hardly worth it. i really want him to experience chicago in the summertime because it's a total blast.
oh, and then before all of this happens - i'm going to hawaii with shane and his family (and some of their friends) for 9 days. we're going in 3 weeks and 3 days (yes, i'm counting down). i am so freaking excited for it!! it's been almost 3 years since i've been on a real vacation and i'm super stoked. i seriously know everything that i'm bringing with. i made a "to bring" list this morning. i'm a total list maker. and, since we're going for shane's 30th birthday, i booked massages for him & i on his actual bday a few days ago. haha can you tell i'm excited?! it's taking all of my willpower not to just pack right now.
so...what else. oh, so i guess i forgot to include that the main way i keep in touch with family and friends is through ichatting. duh. i love it because i can actually see their faces so it's like we're in the same room. i ichat with my parents a couple times a week. this morning when we did, Soda & their dog KC had a serious conversation. they were barking/whining at each other for a good ten minutes. it was so cute. here's some screenshots from their chat sesh: (and don't mind me - i had just woken up and was still drinking coffee lol)
Monday, June 6, 2011
:(
i decided to cancel. i feel terrible doing that back to back, and last minute both times. i hate flaking out on things that i have committed to.
to make me feel better and to make all you readers (who in reality are probably just ambria and my parents, lol) happy, here's some of my favorite horse quotes:
~"In riding a horse, we borrow freedom."-Helen Thomson
~"There's something about the outside of a horse that's good for the inside of a man."-Winston Churchill
~"No hour of life is wasted that is spent in the saddle."-Winston Churchill
~"The wind of heaven is that which blows between a horse's ears."-Arabian Proverb
~"The essential joy of being with horses is that it brings us in contact with the rare elements of grace, beauty, spirit and fire."-Sharon Ralls Lemon
~"A Hibernian sage once wrote that there are three things a man never forgets: The girl of his early youth, a devoted teacher, and a great horse."-C.J.J. Mullen
~"A canter is a cure for every evil."-Benjamin Disraeli
~"Look back at our struggle for freedom,
Trace our present day's strength to it's source;
And you'll find that man's pathway to glory
Is strewn with the bones of the horse."-Anonymous
to make me feel better and to make all you readers (who in reality are probably just ambria and my parents, lol) happy, here's some of my favorite horse quotes:
~"In riding a horse, we borrow freedom."-Helen Thomson
~"There's something about the outside of a horse that's good for the inside of a man."-Winston Churchill
~"No hour of life is wasted that is spent in the saddle."-Winston Churchill
~"The wind of heaven is that which blows between a horse's ears."-Arabian Proverb
~"The essential joy of being with horses is that it brings us in contact with the rare elements of grace, beauty, spirit and fire."-Sharon Ralls Lemon
~"A Hibernian sage once wrote that there are three things a man never forgets: The girl of his early youth, a devoted teacher, and a great horse."-C.J.J. Mullen
~"A canter is a cure for every evil."-Benjamin Disraeli
~"Look back at our struggle for freedom,
Trace our present day's strength to it's source;
And you'll find that man's pathway to glory
Is strewn with the bones of the horse."-Anonymous
~"Wherever man has left his footprint in the long ascent from barbarism to civilization we will find the hoofprint of the horse beside it."-John Moore
~"A horse doesn't care how much you know, until he knows how much you care."-Pat Parelli
~"A horse is poetry in motion."-Anonymous
ugh.
i feel terrible right now. like so miserable i want to cry. i only got 2 hours of sleep last night -- because -- last thursday night i only got a few hours of sleep and felt so awful friday morning i had to cancel riding. a few days before that my trainer cancelled because she was sick, so i only got to ride once last week. so last night i was so obsessed with falling asleep early and getting a lot of sleep that i stressed myself out about it and couldn't fall asleep at all.
i don't know what to do now, i feel terrible cancelling again. plus, i'm leasing a horse so i have a responsibility now, i need to go so he gets exercise. but my head feels so hot and heavy and it feels like there's pressure inside of it pressing out. it wouldn't be so bad, except it takes me an hour to drive to my barn, then i get the horse ready and ride for about an hour, which is an intense workout. whoever says riding is not really a sport has not really ridden. i often end up out of breath, usually really sweaty, and if i don't go for a little bit, then i get super sore. when i first started again after my 6 year hiatus, i literally couldn't walk for a week. so then i have to drive an hour back after that. plus it's raining. plus, ya know, i ride thousand pound animals and need to be on top of my game. and the fact that shane is out of town tweaks me out a little bit, too... because if something does happen to me, i'd need him to come take care of soda. this is what my mind thinks about. what should i do? :(
i don't know what to do now, i feel terrible cancelling again. plus, i'm leasing a horse so i have a responsibility now, i need to go so he gets exercise. but my head feels so hot and heavy and it feels like there's pressure inside of it pressing out. it wouldn't be so bad, except it takes me an hour to drive to my barn, then i get the horse ready and ride for about an hour, which is an intense workout. whoever says riding is not really a sport has not really ridden. i often end up out of breath, usually really sweaty, and if i don't go for a little bit, then i get super sore. when i first started again after my 6 year hiatus, i literally couldn't walk for a week. so then i have to drive an hour back after that. plus it's raining. plus, ya know, i ride thousand pound animals and need to be on top of my game. and the fact that shane is out of town tweaks me out a little bit, too... because if something does happen to me, i'd need him to come take care of soda. this is what my mind thinks about. what should i do? :(
Friday, June 3, 2011
4 seconds of fame..
soo... my friends and i wound up in a promo commercial for angel island that is going to be running on KTVU all summer. haha check it out here: www.angelisland.com
and here's the schedule for the first week it's airing (0:15 = the 15 second version as opposed to the 30 second):
06/06/11 06:58:11PM
KTVU
0:15
FRIENDS 630PM
06/07/11 08:39:02AM
KTVU
0:15
MORNINGS ON TWO
06/07/11 11:59:35AM
KTVU
0:15
NOON NEWS
06/07/11 11:41:19PM
KTVU
0:15
HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER
06/08/11 12:28:23PM
KTVU
0:15
NOON NEWS
06/08/11 11:59:34PM
KTVU
0:15
HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER
06/09/11 11:50:38AM
KTVU
0:15
DON'T FORGET THE LYRICS
06/10/11 11:27:16AM
KTVU
0:15
FAMILY FEUD 11AM
06/10/11 12:28:53PM
KTVU
0:15
NOON NEWS
06/10/11 12:45:50PM
KTVU
0:15
ARE YOU SMARTER
06/10/11 05:58:10PM
KTVU
0:15
5PM NEWS
06/10/11 11:29:30PM
KTVU
0:15
SEINFELD 11PM
06/11/11 09:28:50AM
KTVU
0:15
AQUA KIDS
06/11/11 04:42:17PM
KTVU
0:15
TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY
06/11/11 05:54:13PM
KTVU
0:15
HOUSE
06/12/11 05:28:35AM
KTVU
0:15
TODAY'S HOMEOWNER
06/12/11 06:08:53PM
KTVU
0:15
MALOU REVIEW
and here's the schedule for the first week it's airing (0:15 = the 15 second version as opposed to the 30 second):
06/06/11 06:58:11PM
KTVU
0:15
FRIENDS 630PM
06/07/11 08:39:02AM
KTVU
0:15
MORNINGS ON TWO
06/07/11 11:59:35AM
KTVU
0:15
NOON NEWS
06/07/11 11:41:19PM
KTVU
0:15
HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER
06/08/11 12:28:23PM
KTVU
0:15
NOON NEWS
06/08/11 11:59:34PM
KTVU
0:15
HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER
06/09/11 11:50:38AM
KTVU
0:15
DON'T FORGET THE LYRICS
06/10/11 11:27:16AM
KTVU
0:15
FAMILY FEUD 11AM
06/10/11 12:28:53PM
KTVU
0:15
NOON NEWS
06/10/11 12:45:50PM
KTVU
0:15
ARE YOU SMARTER
06/10/11 05:58:10PM
KTVU
0:15
5PM NEWS
06/10/11 11:29:30PM
KTVU
0:15
SEINFELD 11PM
06/11/11 09:28:50AM
KTVU
0:15
AQUA KIDS
06/11/11 04:42:17PM
KTVU
0:15
TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY
06/11/11 05:54:13PM
KTVU
0:15
HOUSE
06/12/11 05:28:35AM
KTVU
0:15
TODAY'S HOMEOWNER
06/12/11 06:08:53PM
KTVU
0:15
MALOU REVIEW
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Sweet Home Chicago
i had a good night tonight. went and grabbed sushi and drinks with my friend nicki who is basically my only girlfriend out here. at one point in our conversation, we talked about chicago. i was telling her that shane & i have been trying to find a good jazz bar out here in SF and havn't been able to find one at all which is crazy. shane told me that what he is picturing is a small place with a few tables, really dark, really intimate, smokey, and i can seriously name about 8 places in chicago matching that description off the top of my head. when i think of chicago, i think of jazz and blues clubs just like that. to me, that is quintessential chicago. chicago is very prohibition. smokey old dark hole in the wall jazz & blues clubs and piano bars. old timers. old time badasses like my dad. i do really miss that. chicago and san francisco are SUCH different cities. i feel like they may as well be in different countries. living in california has always been my dream, and i am so glad that i did it. but there is a lot that i miss about my home town. it's just a different vibe, a different feel - more gritty, more bad ass, more old. san francisco is so new and fresh to me, so forward thinking, so on the edge, so pushing the boundaries. it's bright and sunny with blue skies and colorful houses. it's fluttery and up in the sky while chicago is steel and grounded. chicago is cold and grey. and black and white. like an old scratchy film. film noir. chicago is old fashioned. al capone. mobsters. old badasses with grey hair and leather jackets smoking cigarettes whose filters are damp from their lips, who sit bent over bars and their glasses of liquor. it has that classic feel to it. and that is why i love it. you can just feel it walking around. i guess i'm feeling a little nastalgic right now. there's so many great things about both places. i guess it's most definitely possible to have roots and wings, and i'm glad that i have had the honor to live in two of the greatest cities in this country.
oh, and since i am big on the pictures, here is a photo of nic and i representing chicago :-)
oh, and since i am big on the pictures, here is a photo of nic and i representing chicago :-)
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