attention. getting it. and not getting it.

nicki & ben ended up rescuing me last night. ben & i drove nicki to work and then hung out at the place she bartends at and ate & drank for cheap. it was a good time =) then i came home and video chatted with shane for 2 1/2 hours lol. man, i'm crazy about that kid :D

anyway, at one point last night ben and i were talking about guys and he was really surprised at first when i told him that guys never hit on me b/c he said he notices guys checking me out all the time. i get cat calls when i'm walking around from guys in cars all the time, but it's not really the same. the first time a complete stranger ever asked for my number was a few months ago, and i was so taken aback by it i hardly knew what to do. actually, at first i thought he was talking about soda when he told me that i was cute, lol. then ben said once he thought about it, that he's actually not that surprised, because guys are probably intimidated b/c i'm so pretty and i'm confident. that's a weird concept to think about - you have to be pretty for guys to hit on you (at least guys that you would WANT hitting on you...), but if you're TOO pretty then it won't happen? and then also what does this say about the confidence factor? that guys don't want a girl to be TOO confident?! is insecurity attractive? i don't know. i'm not saying that i agree with any of this, but i always kind of felt a little insecure about how guys never wanted to talk to me when i was out. i just assumed that they didn't find me attractive enough. but the idea that maybe they are intimidated makes me feel better about the whole thing lol.


anyway, i'm bringing this up for a reason, not to talk about how a friend gave me a compliment, haha. it was really bumming me out about how no one at school really ever invites me to anything or seems to want to talk to me or get to know me at all, and i was thinking that maybe i give off an intimidating vibe? not in the same sense that i possibly do with guys, but maybe i give off an unfriendly vibe or a vibe that says i don't want people to talk to me? i don't know. if i do, i certainly don't mean to. maybe what i feel as lonliness, others take for a loner that doesn't want to be bothered. who knows. i wish someone would clue me in so i could work on changing that, though :(


it's just weird - even in a social experiment thinking type way - how some people others go out of their way to give a ton of attention to, and some people they leave alone. some people they want to befriend and others they don't.