fuck fuck fuck i have to go back to fucking chicago tomorrow. this fucking sucks so bad.


on a happy note - i have the best boyfriend in the world. i spent most of the day/night friday super depressed and crying and lonely and saturday morning i was feeling the same way. the whole time Shane kept telling me to come out to his parents house, even though he would be in the garage working on music stuff the whole time, i could hang out by the pool with his family. i kept saying no b/c i didn't want to impose and because i wasn't in the mood to be social and i kept bursting into tears so i wasn't really in a good state to be around people. he kept persisting and wouldn't take no for an answer and finally his dad called me and told me they were having a bunch of people over to bbq by the pool and to come over. so i went and i'm so glad i did. it was such a nice relaxing day. it's so beautiful out there. it was nice to be around people. they have a separate house behind their house and shane (and soda) and i slept out there and i woke up to a rooster crowing. i took soda out first thing and i felt like i was on vacation in a little cottage in the woods. we walked around the house and the horses were out eating breakfast and nipper (one of their horses) came and said hello to me. it was so peaceful and beautiful i never wanted to leave. that is what i want - a beautiful home with an incredible view, in warm weather, with lots of animals to greet me each morning. paradise.

ugh, but back here in reality i'm so stressed, i have so much to do before the semester starts. i had a dream a several days ago (before my mom went into the hospital), that i would have to go home the week before school started and i was really hoping it wasn't going to come true. but of course it did, because my dreams that are like that always come true. anyway, soda will be staying with shane at my apartment. i feel bad, i know that is a lot of responsibility, but he seems more than happy to help. he is seriously the most amazing person in the world and the only person i trust to watch my little baby fluff; i am such a lucky girl. hopefully they'll be okay. haha who knows, maybe they'll both love it - they're pretty good buddies, so i'm thinking they'll enjoy some alone time to do more bonding :)