10 mos

as of yesterday, i've been with shane for ten months.  it has seriously flown by.  i can't believe it's been that long already.  on the other hand, though, i can't believe i've only known him for ten months.  in the beginning of our relationship we were constantly saying "i can't believe i've only known you for a month," "i can't believe we've only been dating for six months," and so on.  i still feel like ten months isn't really a substantial amount of time - like it's not at the length where i feel like a relationship would be viewed seriously.  i mean, we havn't even been together a year.  it just sounds so short.  maybe because in the past if i heard of other people being in a relationship for only ten months i would think that wasn't a long time.  maybe because my last relationship was almost 4 years.  not that 4 years is a long time at all in the scheme of things - because it's totally not.  and i don't think that i'm better than anyone because of it.  and i know that we're all getting older, so we date people for less time before we really commit or tie any knots or whatever, because we've all been around the block and know exactly what we're looking for, and you can tell in a few months if that person is someone you could spend your life with or not.  it's sort of like shopping - you keep trying people out, and then once you found someone you could be with for the long haul, you stick with them.  but i do feel sorry for girls who think that they have gotten their heart broken after dating someone for only a few months.  it makes me wonder how they are going to handle the real world.  and besides, why would you want to be with someone who "tried you out" and decided they didn't want to be with you?  if anything i think you should thank them for letting you know before you're really attached.  and i'll admit i was slightly afraid of getting attached too quickly.  shane was so perfect for me that i was practically convinced it was too good to be true.  i was definitely a little traumatized and a little guarded.  but then he kept being that way towards me.. and it kept getting better and better.

sometimes i feel like i've known him forever.  sometimes it still feels new.  it's weird how that works.  most of the time i'm completely comfortable around him and can just really relax and be myself.  sometimes (we both) still get self conscious, even though we know it's dumb because we're crazy about each other.  i still try to look pretty for him and dress cute when i'm around him.  i still get chills when he touches me and blush when he smiles at me.  it still makes me smile so big when he says sweet things to me.  i still am learning more about him every day.  but i also feel like we really get each other.

it's so nice to be in a relationship with someone who's almost always on the same page as me and who thinks the same way.  my last relationship was good, but it wasn't even close to being on the same level as this one is.  it wasn't just easy like this - just coasting through life having fun and enjoying each other and really being there for each other.  it's so nice to be in a relationship where i'm not waking up at 3am to an empty bed, wondering what time my boyfriend will be home; where i'm not nervous to marry him because he'll take too many drugs at his bachelor party or want to play techno music at our wedding; where i don't not have to beg him to take care of me when i'm really feeling sick and feeling like a huge burdon for doing so; where he's not throwing up hungover the day we had plans to go to a family event.  With shane i can go to a bbq with him and drink all day and then come home and make dinner and relax, take a bath and curl up and watch a movie...and not have him ready to go out and rage it for round two.  i feel like being with me makes him happy... he doesn't need to go out to a club and socialize and dance and drink to have a good time.

shanes opened my eyes to a whole other side of what being in a relationship means.  mentally, physically, emotionally - he is the most amazing person i have ever been with and is absolutely perfect for me.  oh, and he wrote me a song, which tops my list at most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me.  i am so so thankful and grateful and happy that i found him.  it's hard to put into words just how much you care about someone or how much they really touch you and how happy being around them makes you.  ..