10 mos

as of yesterday, i've been with shane for ten months.  it has seriously flown by.  i can't believe it's been that long already.  on the other hand, though, i can't believe i've only known him for ten months.  in the beginning of our relationship we were constantly saying "i can't believe i've only known you for a month," "i can't believe we've only been dating for six months," and so on.  i still feel like ten months isn't really a substantial amount of time - like it's not at the length where i feel like a relationship would be viewed seriously.  i mean, we havn't even been together a year.  it just sounds so short.  maybe because in the past if i heard of other people being in a relationship for only ten months i would think that wasn't a long time.  maybe because my last relationship was almost 4 years.  not that 4 years is a long time at all in the scheme of things - because it's totally not.  and i don't think that i'm better than anyone because of it.  and i know that we're all getting older, so we date people for less time before we really commit or tie any knots or whatever, because we've all been around the block and know exactly what we're looking for, and you can tell in a few months if that person is someone you could spend your life with or not.  it's sort of like shopping - you keep trying people out, and then once you found someone you could be with for the long haul, you stick with them.  but i do feel sorry for girls who think that they have gotten their heart broken after dating someone for only a few months.  it makes me wonder how they are going to handle the real world.  and besides, why would you want to be with someone who "tried you out" and decided they didn't want to be with you?  if anything i think you should thank them for letting you know before you're really attached.  and i'll admit i was slightly afraid of getting attached too quickly.  shane was so perfect for me that i was practically convinced it was too good to be true.  i was definitely a little traumatized and a little guarded.  but then he kept being that way towards me.. and it kept getting better and better.

sometimes i feel like i've known him forever.  sometimes it still feels new.  it's weird how that works.  most of the time i'm completely comfortable around him and can just really relax and be myself.  sometimes (we both) still get self conscious, even though we know it's dumb because we're crazy about each other.  i still try to look pretty for him and dress cute when i'm around him.  i still get chills when he touches me and blush when he smiles at me.  it still makes me smile so big when he says sweet things to me.  i still am learning more about him every day.  but i also feel like we really get each other.

it's so nice to be in a relationship with someone who's almost always on the same page as me and who thinks the same way.  my last relationship was good, but it wasn't even close to being on the same level as this one is.  it wasn't just easy like this - just coasting through life having fun and enjoying each other and really being there for each other.  it's so nice to be in a relationship where i'm not waking up at 3am to an empty bed, wondering what time my boyfriend will be home; where i'm not nervous to marry him because he'll take too many drugs at his bachelor party or want to play techno music at our wedding; where i don't not have to beg him to take care of me when i'm really feeling sick and feeling like a huge burdon for doing so; where he's not throwing up hungover the day we had plans to go to a family event.  With shane i can go to a bbq with him and drink all day and then come home and make dinner and relax, take a bath and curl up and watch a movie...and not have him ready to go out and rage it for round two.  i feel like being with me makes him happy... he doesn't need to go out to a club and socialize and dance and drink to have a good time.

shanes opened my eyes to a whole other side of what being in a relationship means.  mentally, physically, emotionally - he is the most amazing person i have ever been with and is absolutely perfect for me.  oh, and he wrote me a song, which tops my list at most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me.  i am so so thankful and grateful and happy that i found him.  it's hard to put into words just how much you care about someone or how much they really touch you and how happy being around them makes you.  ..

half-lease

the horse i will be half-leasing :)  his show name is Knight Pilot, his barn name is Ricky.  he's enormous (17.1), but has a super cute face and the best canter i've ever sat.  these 2 videos are me trying him for the first time:

these next 2 are videos i found of my barn's jumper trainer riding him a couple of years ago (apparently flying lead changes aren't his thing :/):

crazy fun weekend

so 3 of my best friends came out to visit me this past weekend.  the whole thing is kind of a blur - it really flew by.  we did a ton of stuff, though: walked around haight-ashbury, went to san ramon to see my boyfriends band practice (and hear the song he wrote me for the first time <3), rented a bus with a couple of shanes friends & roommates and went wine tasting in sonoma, took a ferry to tiburon, hung out in delores park, hung out in alamo square... here's a few highlights:

oh, and then we randomly ended up in a promo commercial for angel island:

and this is my darling little doggie:

music is life

music is incredibly important to me - i can't imagine life without it.  if i had to choose my absolute favorite song ever it would be "Imagine" by John Lennon.  and by the way, you should watch this amazing rendition of it with bill clinton, 40 israeli children, and 40 palestinian children.  it brings tears to my eyes.  so powerful.  

some of my all time favorite quotes...

"Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be. And if you give a damn, take me, baby, or leave me." ~ReNT (Jonathon Larson)

"Life and death, energy and peace. If I stop today it was still worth it. Even the terrible mistakes that I made and would have unmade if I could. The pains that have burned me and scarred my soul, it was worth it, for having been allowed to walk where I've walked, which was to hell on earth, heaven on earth, back again, into, under, far in between, through it, in it, and above."-Gia

"Do not allow skepticism to blind your eyes to other worlds." -Buddha

"May you always know the truth and see the light surrounding you." -Bob Dylan

"They say dreaming is dead, no one does it anymore. It's not dead it's just that it's been forgotten, removed from our language. Nobody teaches it so nobody knows it exists. The dreamer is banished to obscurity. Well, I'm trying to change all that, and I hope you are too. By dreaming, every day. Dreaming with our hands and dreaming with our minds. Our planet is facing the greatest problems it's ever faced, ever. So whatever you do, don't be bored, this is absolutely the most exciting time we could have possibly hoped to be alive. And things are just starting." -Waking Life

"Be who you are and say what you feel, 'cause those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Seuss

"Life is perfect, whole and complete, lacking nothing."-Drunvalo Melchizedek

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." -Ghandi

"You can tell the deepest truths with the lies of fiction."

"As above, so below. As within, so without." -Thoth

"A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to enhance all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty." -Albert Einstein

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace." -Jimi Hendrix

"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world."

"All we are saying, is give peace a chance." -John Lennon

"Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds."-Bob Marley

"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us. And the world will live as one." -John Lennon

"All you need is love." - John Lennon

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." -Albert Einstein

"Forget regret, or life is yours to miss."-ReNT

"People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime."

‎"Life is like the mountains - without the peaks & valleys you would never know how beautiful they are." -Bria :)

"Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round heads in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status-quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them. But the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do." -Jack Kerouac

“Love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you."

"All that we are is the result of what we have thought. With our thoughts, we create our reality."-Buddha (might be sort of paraphrased, but you get the gist! :))


"I was born a lonely [writer] and I'm bound to die the same, but I've got to feed the hunger in my soul."-kk

i was feeling colorful last night :-)  

love

Shane sent this to me before we met (he's the cancer, I'm the libra)... I don't think a horoscope has ever been so true.  I have never been this in love before <3 


Libra and Cancer:

These two could stumble upon each other almost anywhere and wind up getting married the next day. There are strange but true occurrences when a Cancer and Libra meet. These two cannot get enough of one another and Libra will truly appreciate the sensitive side of Cancer. There will be a lot of baby talk, gifts given and displays of romance. Sex will be great with Libra, and Cancer can sexually energize Libra in a way like no other. This is a memorable and worthwhile encounter that has potential for children and marriage. Cancer must brush up their social skills while Libra could learn a few lessons about patience and tolerance from Cancer. These two will balance each other out beautifully. There are too many promising aspects for sex and love to ignore. Cancer will create a sparkle in Libra’s eyes. Experience this relationship while you can.

 I know it sounds crazy to say since we've only been together a little over 9 months, but I know he is the one.  Not only that, but I knew right away and he says he did, too.  Although it's not like either of us havn't been in a serious relationship before - his last relationship was 5 years and mine was 4 - so maybe it's not that crazy afterall... maybe we both just finally found what we were looking for <3

I get by with a little help from my friends

I am such a lucky girl.  Not only do I have the best parents, puppy, and boyfriend in the world, but I also have the best friends.  I love my friends more than anything, they are all amazing, smart, hilarious, talented, sweet and caring.  So this post is dedicated to them.

Jen

Katie Daley

Jamie

Jess

Ambria

Michelle

Erin

Pong

Mother's Day

Since Mother's Day is coming up in 2 days, here's a pic of me and my momma:)

Body Image

I recently heard an incredibly disturbing story that I havn't been able to shake out of my head - it was about a girl who got breast implants that went all wrong, resulting in her getting cancer and actually having to get bones removed from her body.  And after going through all that, was currently starving herself so she could enter into a bikini contest.  I feel so bad for her, not only because she got sick, but because she felt that she needed to alter her body to be what she saw as beautiful, or, what others have told her is beautiful.  And that she needs confirmation from others to realize her own beauty.  So many women out there have body image issues and it's so sad.  I, admittedly, used to be one of them.  I have always been incredibly skinny.  As a kid, I was constantly getting made fun of.  We all know how mean other kids can be.  So for years in middle school and junior high, I wore baggy clothes to try to hide my body.  I actually didn't even feel comfortable wearing shorts, skirts or dresses until a few years ago.  I finally have become comfortable in my own skin and learned to really love my body and have recently been trying to make up for lost years of not wearing cute girly clothes.  I'll admit, my clothing shopping has become somewhat of an addiction the last couple of years - but now that I've fallen in love with my body, I've also fallen in love with fashion and dressing it in cute ways.

Even as an adult, though, I still encounter rude remarks.  I was in the bathroom in a bar about two years ago, and a woman, probably around 35, was in there and had hiccups.  She asked if anyone knew a good way to get rid of them.  I happen to know a great trick that seriously works every time so I spoke up and offered to help her.  She spun around, looked me up and down, and then said straight to my face "what?  only eat celery so i can be as skinny as you are?"  Appalled, I walked out of the bathroom, with her calling to my back "wait, what about my hiccups?"  I always freeze up and don't know what to say when people even just comment on my weight.  I get it all the time.  "You're so skinny!" or "Go eat a sandwich!"  or "You must eat only [insert healthy, low calorie food here]."  What do you say to that?  I've come to learn that usually when people feel the need to comment on others' weight it's because they are insecure of their own body or jealous of the one they are commenting on.  So i'm learning to just feel sorry for them and let the comments roll off my shoulders.  They used to make me mad, though.  I would come back with things like "Do you tell fat people how fat they are, too?  Do you say to them - god, you're so fat, you must only eat cake?"  but what's the point.  I think from now on i'm just going to say "thank you.  i love my body."  i know i don't have an eating disorder, i know i love my body, so what does it matter what anyone says, right?  Like I mentioned before, I believe in the law of attraction.  If you are constantly seeing your body as imperfect and complaining/commenting on its imperfections, they are going to remain and that is all you or anyone else will ever notice.  Every girl should look in the mirror every day and say "thank you so much for my body.  i love my body so much.  i am beautiful and perfect right now, exactly as i am."  In honor of loving my body... here's some pics of it :)

and here's one of me as a skinny little kid, haha:

ps - looking at all these swimsuit pics is reminding me that 8 weeks from today i am going to hawaii!!!  i am SO excited and can't wait! :D