restless.

i'm feeling restless. like i need a change. like i'm just hanging on the edge, waiting for something big to happen. i'd love to move - just to change things up. to decorate a new place. to start fresh. but that's stupid because i love my apartment and got so lucky with it that it's worth hanging on to for at least another year. but i feel like something huge and life changing is approaching, like i can feel the tide swiftly being pulled out past me into the ocean beyond, collecting into a big wave that is growing bigger and bigger as each day passes, ready any moment now to come crashing down all around me. i feel like i am in the middle of change, that everything is about to get whirled around, but i just can't grasp what it is yet. it's an anxious feeling and i'm not sure what to do with it.

but who knows, maybe it's because i was so excited for hawaii, and then so excited for chicago, and then so excited to come back to sf and see shane, that i'm just in the mind frame of looking forward to things. i'm going to tahoe tomorrow, that's something else to be excited about. and saturday, two days from now, is shane and i's one year anniversary. damn that year went by fast. crazy fast.

what i'm NOT looking forward to is going back to school. it's my last year and i'm sure that it will breeze by. but i had so many negative experiences the last year that i'm dreading going back a little bit. although for the most part everyone that i had problems with graduated, so hopefully this new class will be chill and low key and drama free. a year is nothing now, though, so whatever. and at least i'll be busy again. having too much time on my hands is a problem.

so what else, what else, what else? my mom started a new treatment today; that is most definitely something to be anxious about. i went to a friend's birthday dinner last night with ten other people, two of whom were my ex and some 24 year old french canadian girl whose first language was definitely french and not english, that he met at a music festival in detroit that lives in canada and flew out to SF to visit him. oh, and the only two open seats left by the time they arrived (late), were right next to me. that was fun. it was good to see that whole crew, though. i ended up having a good time anyway. then i left and went to shane's with soda and watched 12 Monkeys with him and his roommates. that was a good end to the night. after that dinner, i was jittery and i had to see him. what a life, what a life i am living.

pet peeves.

-when people pee on the seat of public toilets. if you're really that big of a germ freak, put some tp on the seat or use one of those paper seat protector things. or, at the very, absolute least, have the courtesy to wipe it off for the next person. so gross.

-when you've been waiting in a certain spot for a cab for a long time, and someone comes and stands a few feet down the block and snags one in front of you. ugh. hate cab stealers.

-people whose knees bend slightly backwards when they're standing. it creeps me out.

-people who chew gum with their mouths open.

-overplucked eyebrows.

-when people talk during the dramatic/emotional part of a movie.

whose separation anxiety is worse?

for the past 2 months i've been counting down the days to hawaii and have been SO excited. now that it's almost here, while i am obviously still so so stoked, i've been thinking more about how badly i am going to miss soda (i miss her already) and am worried about leaving her. i actually cried last night thinking about it. i hope she does okay. i hope she's happy and has fun playing with other dogs. i hope she eats (sometimes she doesn't if i'm not home). i hope she doesn't think i'm abandoning her. :( i want her to have fun and play all day, then get to her room and eat all her food because she's so hungry from playing, and then fall asleep because she's so tired from playing. she's just so spoiled here; she's like my child. she's used to falling asleep cuddled up in a soft warm bed on a pillow and snuggled in blankets. it just kind of breaks my heart to think that she might be lonely and confused as to why i left her. i hope she doesn't think she did anything wrong. even writing this is making me so sad. the good part is that her room has a webcam so i can spy on her all i want. shane told me to tell her that i'll be watching over her and that will make her more comfortable :) he is such a sweetheart. i'm so lucky to have him and soda in my life. i'm so grateful for both of them and love them both so much. and, despite all this anxiety about soda, i am still SOOOO freaking giddy for hawaii!!! :D:D :D :D :D

omg

has anyone ever seen the bbc show "super size vs super skinny"? it's where they take an anorexic person and an obese person and make them eat each others meals for 5 days and weigh in to fix their eating disorders. youtube it.

clothes.

ended up buying that green romper from free people today. it's so cute on and i'm an addict.

Two Things:

1) i love the dos equis commercials with the most interesting man in the world.

2) I REALLY want to go to NYC and see "the book of mormon" on broadway - trey parker & matt stone (creators of south park) wrote it and it won 9 tony awards including best musical and it is supposed to be hilarious. road trip, anyone?

Confession.

I look at classifieds of horses for sale and adoption almost every day. I can't wait to own a horse again. I have it in writing from my mom that when I finish grad school and get a real job, she'll buy me one. i kind of want to rescue/adopt one... there's so many horses that need homes b/c the recession hurt so many families, plus so many suffering from abuse and neglect, not to mention slaughter auctions. i kind of also want to adopt a mustang. i'm sure everyone at my barn would gawk because there's a ton of super fancy, super expensive show horses there. sigh. one more year...